What Will They Say? with Denise Soler Cox

What happens when you realize some of the “rules” you grew up following were never actually yours?

In this episode of  No Más Yes Girls, we sit down with author, filmmaker, and speaker Denise Soler Cox for an honest conversation about the cultural taboos so many Latina women grow up carrying in silence.

Denise is the author of "What Will They Say? Confront Cultural Taboos and Discover Your Inner Power", a book about the unspoken expectations that can shape the way we see ourselves, our families, our dreams, and even how much space we believe we're allowed to take up. 

We talk about things many of us know all too well:

✨ “¿Qué va a decir la gente?”
✨ Keeping family problems inside the home
✨ Being the “good daughter”
✨ People-pleasing and always saying yes
✨ Feeling guilty for choosing yourself
✨ Family loyalty vs. telling your truth
✨ First-generation identity
✨ The mother-daughter relationship
✨ Breaking generational patterns without rejecting our culture
✨ Learning to use your voice after years of staying quiet

But this conversation isn't about blaming our families or being ashamed of where we come from.

It’s about asking:

What do I want to keep from the way I was raised… and what am I finally ready to let go of?

Denise also opens up about the personal experiences that shaped her, why telling our stories can be so powerful, and what it means to become a woman who no longer has to make herself smaller to belong. 

Make sure to follow her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/denisesolercox?igsh=MTVkaGRnd2EzZjNzaA==

This wasn't an interview.

It felt like sitting around the kitchen table talking about the things so many of us grew up feeling… but didn't always have the words for.

If you've ever felt caught between loving your family and needing to choose yourself, this conversation is for you.🤍

📖 What Will They Say? by Denise Soler Cox releases August 18, 2026. Pre-order/ order here: https://wordupbooks.com/event/2026-08-19/denise-soler-coxs-what-will-they-say?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZnRzaATpuatwZG9mAmZkaWQWUMU4i1TTCTHURjnFzojGHUr-SpzQg2V4dG4DYWVtAjExAHNydGMGYXBwX2lkDzEyNDAyNDU3NDI4NzQxNAABp-fsQCLmr1_a_RCyz-lEUl9WFzQuewcX7tHNx8RiVV1x0dEHT6VdfGB_fROM_aem_Q1yqqbFGcE0ge3xMECpTTw

🎙️ Welcome to No Más Yes Girls, a bilingual podcast where two sisters heal out loud and have the conversations we grew up avoiding.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hi guys, welcome back to another episode of No More Yes Girls, where we, your hosts, Vivian MVNA, talk about our healing journeys. And today is a special episode as we are providing you guys with our first guest speaker on the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 0:18

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_02 0:19

With um the one and only Denise Soler Cox.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Hi. Hello. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited to be here. And I'm so excited to be your first guest. Thank you so much. I couldn't see you. Yeah, really excited for our conversation.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

Appreciate having you on board. Our first season, it was more so getting to know us, who we are, our stories, and um our transition or each transition during our healing journeys. And now that we finished what season one, we ended up taking a break. And now we actually have guests lined up for the second season because it's like, okay, let's talk about other people. Let's have other people come in and not only talk about us, but talk about everybody else's healing journeys and trends and transformations. And um, what better way to start off with you? Which you are also um coming out with a new book, which I'm so excited for you to talk about a little bit, and then um we'll get started. But first, before we get into the book, yeah, I would like to know who Denise is.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Oh well, I so I have to say, like, I'm a mom and uh I'm a I'm a wife, I'm a friend, I'm a daughter, and I'm a very passionate human being. And you know, it took me, I'm definitely like I would say a late bloomer, like you know, that idea, like some people, I was always so envious of people that knew what they wanted to do and had their stuff together. And I just it's taken me more time to figure that stuff out. Um, but once I did, it really took off. And um, and then what was extremely important to me was maintaining my relationships with my family. And um, so when I right before we started recording, I was hearing about your relationship with your sister and thinking about my two daughters sleeping in the room underneath me right now and um hoping that like that they get you know that they want to do stuff like this together and you know when they're older. So yeah, that's awesome. That's cool.

SPEAKER_02 2:33

So the name of your book is um called What Will They Say? Yes. And I was just we just joked about this before um coming on. I find it so funny how the name of the book and the name of our podcast is called No More Yes Girls. And it's like I feel like they're related somehow. They're like the same type of cousins, but I must have like let's let's go to the kitchen and talk about this. I love it. Let's go. And I have my little guess. See the same here. We have a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of my sister and myself. We both um read your book, and it's just the very first chapter. Listen, you guys, I cannot stress it this enough. If you guys have been listening to our podcast, this book is like literally today's conversation. It feels like today's conversation has been years in the making, and that's when this book landed in our hands. So literally what we've been talking about is literally what's inside this book. And um, I do want to talk a little bit of that nine-year-old Denise.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

And I just want to give her a big hug. Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 3:56

And I relate a lot with that nine-year-old Denise.

SPEAKER_02 3:59

Oh, thank you so much. I do oh so it's a bunch of first chapter, and Vivian, I'll let you talk about that because it's the same thing. Like when I read it, I thought about you and like the relationship with between my parents as well.

SPEAKER_03 4:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:14

Um, yeah, I'll let you, I'll let you talk about that experience.

SPEAKER_03 4:19

Yeah, well, I mean, once I read that chat, I mean, once I read the first paragraph, I was hooked. Um because I I knew automatically, like you mentioned your book, I was the the secret keeper. So that's why it took it's taken me a long time to come out of my shell. And so reading that was just I I just totally related. I understood something that I I I had no idea that's the type of daughter that I was until now. Yeah, and that was amazing to me.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Wow. Oh my gosh, that makes me so happy. And you see me like rubbing my arms because my whole body is like I am getting chills like at every part of my body, like the back of my scalp, all over my shoulders, my arms, my thighs, into my toes when you're talking. So I always like that's my kind of indication that we're speaking like a like a truth, like a truth, truth, truth. Like when it happens the way that it just happens. Like I very much um so thank you so much. And I'm sorry that we um know the same pain and confusion and struggle. And I'm also grateful because that chapter and that story, um, you know, from reading it, was literally something I thought um like the best way to describe it, which is how I described it in the book, is like something that I put on the shelf and they walk past, but like it was more on the periphery. It wasn't like something that I like looked at and examined and wondered about, like it just was just there. And um, and when I started working on the book, it just like wanted to come out. And that's when I was like, holy moly, like this actually really did happen, even though I did have confirmation before I started writing it. But like something about writing the whole thing from beginning to end with all the detail, like um, it just helped like just sharing it was healing. And it was and is really scary because it's a it's a scary story to tell, you know? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:28

Yeah, and it's it's um same thing with the podcast. It's literally, oh my gosh, que vale si la gente, yeah. Oh my gosh, what's I'm gonna say some stuff about my mom, I'm gonna say something about my dad, about my grandparents and stuff. And it's like, oh my gosh, yeah, that said the family's not gonna talk to me.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Yeah, yeah, like literally, like you're my yeah, literally reading that's exactly like so. You guys have read chapter six. I literally have chapter six is a mother-daughter chapter. Oh, yeah. And um, yeah, I was like, I literally really okay, like I am like, when they when the when certain people, so only a handful of people actually have the book and have read the book. And so literally what goes through my mind is I wonder if they'll still want to talk to me after chapter six. And like I literally, because it's so tabooed to share what I shared. And um, and so when you just said that, I was like, yeah, like I know the feeling, and it's something that goes through my mind. And um it's it's a very, it's very real to go against these cultural chat taboos and to not know who's gonna stand by you and who's gonna who's who's gonna stand by you, who's gonna maybe even feel healed because of it, right? Or start their own healing journey, like your parents, you know, and then who's just gonna say, you know what, that was wrong, and I never want to talk to you again, you know.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

So it's real. It is honestly, it is real. Like um, I remember after I had this conversation a couple months ago with both my mom and my dad separately. Again, they're divorced, so I had to have these conversations separately. And I remember asking my dad, like, open the podcast that estamos haciendo. Like it's it's I know we say some stuff on there que it can be hurtful and can be or they weren't ready to listen. They weren't ready to listen, yeah, yeah. And um and like he just said quiet for for a minute, and then I'm like, oh my gosh, yeah, me va a mandar a la fregada, that's gonna tell me like a bunch of stuff. And no, he actually was like, wow, for me not, and that's it. And I'm like, like I'm talking about the stripped macho mess with your dad who we grew up with, for him to like actually say that in a very calming, not yelling, not like aventando cosas, or like saying a bunch of stuff can alcohol. It was it was nice, it was nice and refreshing to hear the same thing with my mom. Like my mom, she was here um at my house, and usually when she comes, she comes and she stays here for a couple of weeks. Granted, my relationship with my mom hasn't been the greatest until like maybe these last couple of years. Again, we had um we just had some that's how girdles growing up, and I mean that's okay. Um, they raised us at the best of their ability, and I forgave both of them um in every way. And then now, what better way to have a relationship with my mom now, getting to know her now as an adult, and vice versa, for getting to know me as an adult than when we were younger. And um so then I had asked my mom, she was sitting next to me, and I was actually on my laptop um editing a episode, a podcast episode, and I turned around and I'm like, Mom, can I ask you something? And she's like, Yeah, it's like what do you think about our podcast? I don't think I've ever asked you. Do you I know you listen to it, but um, I would like to get your opinion. And um, she just stood quiet. And um, when I turned around to look at her, like she was just bawling her eyes out.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, are you okay? Wow, yeah, and I'm like, oh my gosh, and like all of the sorries and the apologizing wanted to come out of me.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

I'm like, mom, oh my gosh, you like well, yeah. I just gave her a tissue and she's like, you know what? I am so sorry. She's like, I want to apologize for my behavior. I should, I was just so selfish. Like, all I wanted to do is just menar me and just like revenge and just about your dad. Like, it was just it, I never really asked you guys how you were doing. I literally just still try, I was just trying to figure out what to do, how to do it, and I never really stopped and see how you guys were doing with the whole situation because not only did it change me, but it also changed you guys as well. Um I should have I should have listened or at least been a better parent because of that.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

And I'm like, whoa, yeah, oh my gosh, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 11:55

So maybe if we didn't do this podcast, we probably wouldn't have heard this side or these versions of our parents. Yes, but it's just been amazing to see like how many people, the people that we were essentially talking not really crap or smack a pop, but like yeah, giving a lot of experience or like well, our story, our story, how we lived it.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

I seriously thought they probably wouldn't even want to hear it and they just leave it at that. But for them to actually be a little more vulnerable and open, it it just it gave me it, it warmed my heart a lot because it's like, wow, if I'm if my parents were able to, at least we were able to plant this seed to both my parents, I can imagine like how many people we can do the same thing for.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

Oh yeah. Oh, I love that. And the thing is, it's like you weren't like I heard you say, like we like we um you said like uh we were talking smack, but you stopped because you knew that you weren't. You were just sharing your honest, your version of what happened from your point of view. And there's defin there's this idea. Um, it's like, where does my story end and yours begin? And where is where's the overlap and what's not okay? Like what's what's offensive or what's not, you know, uh, what don't I have the right to say, right? Or and when I say I, I mean like the collective us, you know, with people thinking, is it okay to like share these? Because we all know it's not. We all know it's the taboo is there, it's real, which is why we're even having this conversation because you're leading it um on your podcast and you're getting so much feedback, which tells me this is like the the pressure has gotten to a point. And I always see um like conversations like this on a continuum. Like we're both 10 out of 10 ready to talk, right? Like all three of us, we're all ready to talk. And then knowing though that we might lose, like there might be a cost. Um, and then there's people that are like at a one that are like they're, you know, they might not even think it's okay, so much so that they're not even entertaining it. Like it's almost like that thing on the shelf. Like, if I didn't, you know, here I was at this like freaking self-help seminar, and it didn't even occur to me, you know, and it it kind of flew in, but it flew out just as fast because there was no way I was going to go there. I would never let myself go there because there's just stuff you just don't talk about. And so um, along that line, though, are thousands, millions of people, uh, half of which are ready for something like this. And what I'm hearing is like, um, you know, like it's so beautiful. Like you're experiencing healing with your own family, which is like, how how beautiful is that, you know? And um, and then also knowing that by you sharing, you're also gonna help other people. And that's, I think, like the beauty of our community is that we do think about stuff like that. Because not every community thinks about what the impact could be on the rest of us. And so I just like wanted to tell you that I hear what you're saying. And also, too, we're cut from the same cloth. Like, I didn't just write this book as uh as a trauma dump, you know. Like I wrote it because I knew that every story that I shared is a story that I heard and I just had my own version of the same story, you know? And um, but I hope I heard those stories so many times that I knew that um that I had it, if I had a chance, I would share my own version so that people knew that they weren't alone because you know, you're seeing it now with your podcast. Just not just like really getting for the very first time. Oh my God, I'm not alone. Like I'm not the only nine-year-old. Like when we started, Vivian, like we both know we have something when we were nine. That's all I need to know that we share that pain. And immediately I feel more connected to you, you know, and also less alone. So that's like the beauty of like being willing, like and the I would say between five and 10, um, those are the ones of us that should be sharing. So especially closer to 10, but five and under, let it percolate a little bit more.

SPEAKER_03 16:20

Yeah.

unknown 16:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:22

So so Denise, um, I want to know how how did this book help you with your healing journey?

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Yeah. Well, I mean, so here's like, I'm gonna take a deep breath because um, first I haven't really talked about the book a whole lot. A like um writing is such a solitary experience. And it's been a few years now that I've been working on it. And so I'm probably gonna cry. I'm already starting to write now. And I'll join you, don't worry. We're not together, so I won't feel alone. The best off. Thank you. We're putting mess anyway, we're already stuck about that. So um so yeah, when I when I started writing, like I knew I wanted to write about I wanted to write about secret keeping because women were sharing their secrets with me um on the regular, like over years. And it was upsetting because this I could tell those secrets were holding them back in their life. Like they weren't doing things, they weren't starting the businesses, they weren't um doing the things that they wanted to do with their life because in some way, shape, or form they felt broken. Okay. And like uh, and some could even say, I feel like I'm broken. And but some I could just feel that they felt that way. And so, and that's why they couldn't do this thing that they wanted to do. And so, um, and so I um at first felt like I wanted to say, me too, I've I've experienced that as well, but um, but I wasn't ready. Like I I couldn't, like I couldn't um, I just couldn't do it. And so, and the thing is, this happened because I made a movie and uh because I was traveling all over the country and I was doing 40 to 50 engagements a year over many years. And so I met thousands upon thousands of people. And um, and so it was during that time when I decided I I I need to do something with this, right? But when I started working on it, I had to reckon with how do I tell the story without telling anyone's anyone's secret, because I didn't want to reveal anyone else's story, right? Because that is they gave me to hold and I won't, and I'm a vault. And so um, and then when I decided, okay, I'm gonna open every chapter with a really emotional story, a truthful story, but it has to be one that I know I heard so many times, you know, but my own version. And so once I started writing, I realized how angry I was. And like I am somebody that if you had pulled 10, 20, 50 of my friends, they would probably say, Oh, Denise is so optimistic, she's so light, she's so fun and silly and whatever. And then the people that really know me know that I'm deep and I'm like, I like to get into deep conversations and all that stuff. But angry is not how anybody would ever describe me. And when I started writing, I tapped into anger. And I even wrote in the book like anger of the ages, like generational anger, like I was tapping into anger. I didn't even know where it was from. Like it was more intense than any of my circumstances, you know? And so writing and allowing the words um to come through me, right, um, was an act of healing, yes. And so just the truth-telling and the, you know, we don't really get a lot of opportunities in life to like organize and um try to make sense of some of these things that are like these touch points in our childhood, you know. Like uh I bet you anybody who's listening probably could like look back at the past and there's just like these tenthole moments, you know, positive and negative, that we just can't get out of our minds. And those are the ones that I wrote about. And and it's I think they are kind of like um, especially the negative ones, but they're kind of like versions of you that are like, hey, over here, like think about this one, write about this time, because this needs to get healed. We're not okay. Like my nine-year-old version, not okay. My 16-year-old version, not okay. And so, um, and so the writing gave me like a doorway to begin to heal. And then by the end of the book, I really I had realized that my whole my daughter and her physics class and that whole concept of thermal equilibrium and like bringing warmth back to these cold spaces. Um, and I will say, like, I I don't know that I'm fully healed, and I don't know if I believe in in full healing. I do think that um we heal and we move and then we heal again a little bit more, and then you know, and then we die. But I don't think like I don't think, you know, like there's like layers of healing, and I think um, and certainly I let uh in the process of writing though, I allowed the anger to come out. And for that I'm really proud because I feel like it's not um, you know, we're taught as you know, as young, as young women, but also young Latinas, we're anger being angry and being outwardly angry about things is not okay. And um, and so I realized I kind of had muffled that little girl and stifled her, and um, and I and I was holding all of this anger. And I still, I still notice it to this day and like notice how I'm holding it and allow myself to release it. Um so yeah, so um so it healed, it healed me, and there's still more to go. And I tapped into some things that I had ignored um for decades. And for that I'm so proud, you know?

unknown 22:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:09

Yeah.

unknown 22:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

I think it's so amazing how um we just talk it for us in our case, the podcast, just talking about it, at least for me, was very healing. Was very healing to, you know, express everything that I was holding on to. Again, because I kept those secrets, those family secrets and not being able to say anything because of exactly your book title, what will they say?

SPEAKER_04 22:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:38

You know, and that's why, you know, as we mentioned earlier, for me to come out of my shell and be able to do a podcast with my sister and expose myself that way was was hard, but I'm so grateful because it was healing. And my parents got to know me. And just like her, um, we talked about and they said we didn't know you were you were so hurt. And we didn't know you know everything that you were holding on to. But it helped me and it helped um essentially I didn't want that for my kids and my granddaughter. So that has um it has helped me heal and it has showed them that hey it's okay to be vulnerable and it's okay to speak out. Which is um and I'm glad that they do they do they they let me know you know when I when I hurt them unintentionally they're yeah very outspoken and and I love it. I love it because I know that they're not living what I lived.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Yeah and that's called breaking the cycle I mean and that was you that did that you cleared the space and um so well done that is like that's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 23:48

Yeah you know and so and I and I also have to thank when I thank God too I thank my sister because um I think out of everybody she's the only one who um has always been on my side oh and um yeah has always been the one to say hey you know it's okay you're not that person anymore and it's okay to talk it's okay to come out and so even until now she's my biggest supporter and and you know I and I love her. She's my little sister but you know she's she's everything to me besides my family.

SPEAKER_02 24:23

Oh that's so beautiful. That's so beautiful. We're very grateful because not a lot of people can say that about their own siblings or about their relationship with their sisters or um parents and whatnot. So it's it's it's something that I I don't take for granted whatsoever. On the contrary like I tell her like I even I believe in the last one of the last episodes on last season I literally just talked about her for like five 10 minutes and saying like I'm so proud of her like if you were my sister is the one who's always in her little corner just like waving at everybody and like in her own little speech and I'm over here like it's okay come on that's so sweet. You're okay we're gonna be okay we need each other so much don't we like we really do oh that is so beautiful I love that she was from the moment we started our podcast to now like she's definitely have gotten a little more comfortable more confident more outspoken more um just being or learning how to be her authentic self. And that's something that I'm proud of as well.

SPEAKER_03 25:46

Yeah and it's something that I relate with Denise when she said you know I'm I'm kind of like a late bloomer like I didn't know what to do. I'm the same way like I'm just right now trying to figure out myself see where I'm going what I'm doing. But yeah I I relate with you on that.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

Yeah and like it's exciting right like it's almost it's like it seems it's like okay I'm allowing myself to uh to share these things right like that's like the I would say the big um the big act right is just being more honest. Except for the fact when you're more honest you are more you and then the world gets to see your your beautiful self you're beautiful you know I really do like when people could if if all people could just be more honest about who they really are, what they really think and not to be jerks but to be open and to be free of like the constraints of of guidan you know what I mean like can I just be myself can I just tell you how I feel about this you know like and then and then your identity changes and that's what is that's why I called it a liberating guide for Latinas because it's like wow we all of a sudden remember that we have agency that we have power and that we don't have to be like uh constrained and contracted but it feels like it feels like it until you stop until you start testing the waters and start realizing whoa like it feels good to be truthful and authentic and um and like that's like an identity shift like when people talk about um like this idea that people don't change you know um and like how do you change that idea right um this is how you change is you become more true to yourself like that Shakespeare quote to thine own self be true and it's probably one of the absolute hardest things um and it's the one thing that'll set you free.

SPEAKER_02 27:44

You know yeah one thing that I absolutely loved um after reading your book is that your book never made me feel like I had to choose between loving my culture and yeah like it was something where we can still absolutely love our culture still bring the value still bring some of the value some of the traditions whatever aligns with you and continue to um share it with your family friends and to the next generation you can just take whatever bits and pieces didn't align with you and just leave it there and continue thriving with the other bits and pieces that you would love to continue having in um your life and that's something big for me for me as well both um I always say ni daya because we're both pretty much we're consistently always going back to Mexico and um we're here on a right I mean we're here in the US but we I feel like we're coming to a point where we're going to be living half our life in Mexico and the other half oh wow yeah so um it it's and learning how to embrace both cultures at the same time that's also been a not a challenge but more of a balancing aspect yeah because it's yes we were born here we were um essentially raised here but every time we go back to Mexico we adapt to how it is back in Mexico because that's where our family is from our parents and um it's it's essentially it's also showing our culture over there that it's okay to to heal that it's okay to not live in society's culture pretty much yeah and so it's in society's expectations over there.

SPEAKER_00 29:52

Yeah and it's it's a lot there's a lot of that's a this is a very interesting topic and um and I I so appreciate you noticing that because that is definitely on my very short list of fears is that people will think I'm hating on the culture uh by writing this book and nothing could be farther from the truth. I love my Latinidad I love and I'm obsessed with speaking to Latinas working with Latinas like interacting in my culture I feel the absolute most comfortable it's like getting into like a warm bath there's nothing there's nothing to get used to like it just feels comfortable you know and I would say like the all the things we love music which I talk a lot about in the book and food and like uh sayings even though some of the sayings I bring up are the ones that need to change but like you know certain certain things like those things like bad money those things should never change like those are what makes our culture beautiful and then also too collectivism as an idea like as an idea which is like what what I was saying before like you brought up this can help people this is not this is not happening in other cultures not you know I'm not saying it doesn't happen in those cultures but collective dominant cultures people that consider other people who were raised to consider other people often think about other people. And so I would say to a fault sometimes and that's where it has to change and there's a um I I like this uh metaphor like there's a front of the hand and the back of the hand to everything. So like the most positive part is that we regard and think about each other. And um and that is a beautiful thing. And then there's a dark side and the dark side is these other things where we can't function without wondering what will other people say and we can't make a move. We can't be in our own power we can't um you know like that's that's where the upgrade but the simplest example that I have is like everybody has a phone and I don't know about Samsung's but I know I you know iPhones you have to have the phone plugged in at night for to get the upgrade overnight like you don't you have to plug it in to get the new version and that's what it's in the simplest form the book is is like you got to plug into the book you probably have to do the exercises you need to discuss it with other people you have to be willing to be honest about certain things but when you're done you're gonna get the upgrade you know and and you're not gonna be able to unring the bell we have power and there's certain things in our culture that may us forget and I'm talking about the Latinas we have power and we always have and when we're in touch with our power everybody wins there aren't losers. Nobody loses when Latinas are in their power and we lose however when we have forgotten I feel like that when we believe the lie that we're broken we are losing and but when we get to wake up and remember no no no I'm actually divinely created and like that is who I am then that is an incredible place to begin a new life and a new perspective from and so um to me it's like wow if millions of Latinas could read this book and wake up to their power that that is a day I am I am here for you know most definitely yeah and like loving their culture too and cooking the great food and playing the music and inviting the family and not forgetting what makes us so powerful you know I would say as a culture too yeah most definitely yeah so true and it's a different it's a different aspect because I didn't even think about it that way.

SPEAKER_03 33:44

No way what do you mean tell me more tell me more no it's because um I was just thinking about like the healing part of it yeah but you know not knowing that and again that's probably because it's you know I'm in my healing journey it's like okay wait what are they gonna say if you know do they think I'm gonna turn my back on them I'm not gonna help them I don't consider you know what other people think or or feel and so I didn't think about that aspect that hey you know it just because I'm doing me doesn't mean that I'm turning my back on my culture.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

Right right and like that's a very real thing. Like when I I made my film it came out 10 years ago and there was some kind of back and forth that happened oh yeah I made a video I made a video about um putting your you know that I that whole thing putting your oxygen mask on first like um and it was a video about it was just about Latinas um taking care of themselves first. Like this has been something that has been PMOing me for many many years. And so like I made a video about listen like we could take care of everybody else but don't forget about you. And so um and so there was a whole discussion thread in Facebook when Facebook still had a good algorithm and lots of people saw the content and this woman commented she said if we don't if we don't have some of the things you're talking about then we're not even Latino like you're you're making us like strip away our culture what makes us us and that was the beginning of me thinking wow like no no no like me taking care of me and telling you to take care of you is not stripping the culture of anything that like it's it like literally is like um it's like a whole it's like a sweater that has holes from moths. It's just like not wearable anymore, you know, or it just doesn't fit anymore. And it's unfair to oppress women with these um ideas that we should be um that we should suffer that we should always put ourselves last that there's honor and um that there's something like about struggle that makes us holy you know like those things need to change and we're gonna be a better stronger culture be because women will no longer be oppressed you know we can rise and yes I'm ready I'm ready for those conversations and excited I I and also I I'm I'm not you know I don't want to be seen as somebody that thinks the culture should dramatically change I um and I feel very strongly that the women's roles need to dramatically change and need to be you know um for the sake of honestly the the perpetuation of the culture because culture gets passed down through women and you know men just aren't as good that way. Sorry sorry men that are listening you're just not this you're not as good as us. Yeah no it's it's true it's true yeah no it is true I agree with that you know so yeah well um I do want to ask why do you think we're so afraid to say our dreams out loud oh yeah I think well I mean I think like I certain people um and I felt this way too um certain people have said I don't even want to tell you like on the I have this um this thing that I call it the it's called the line of secrets and dreams and that's the line that waits for me when I get off stages and there are always people on that line and some of them want to tell self some of them want to take selfies some of them want to tell me their secrets and some of them want to tell me their dreams and some of them want to do all three. And so some of the people um have said this thing like if I like I want to tell you what I want like what I really want to do but um but I'm afraid to say it out loud and because I feel and like it's almost like they don't know what it is. Like we're just like not and so I think there's a few reasons. I think we're not like um used to people asking us, but what do you want? Because we're trained from an early age to be only thinking about what everybody else wants and needs, right? Which I think is a sweet thing to a point. And but we also need to know um be trained as well in listening to that voice. And to me I always had that voice and some people call it intuition like it's that thing that says don't go there don't do that with that guy don't go here like don't make this move don't take that job don't um be friends with this person. But I always pushed it down because I didn't recognize it as my own um like inner truth right my own intuition so if there's a life lesson that I have uh the big my biggest life lesson is learning to keep that channel clear so that I can hear her and I can let her tell me like no we should because mostly she's telling me not to do stuff, you know, and not to make some bad decisions but I would never listen because I just didn't it didn't make sense. And so I think the way that I parent my girls is when they're making decisions like what do you want this you know well this is what mommy wants but what do you want? Because ultimately you have to like you have to live with it you have to be excited about it. This is why mommy wants and mommy and daddy want you to do it but what do you want? Because we need to be trained into getting in touch with that thing right and so when the women would say uh I don't know why whatever I think it's a lack of training right lack of just being used to tapping into that truth and then I think that there's a part that if I say something out loud um and it doesn't happen I'll be disappointed right um like if I say oh I I really want like for my book let's say I really want to make the New York Times bestseller list like really really like I have written that in a journal in a grateful journal for years. I'm a New York Times uh bestseller bestselling author like and I really want that and I have been saying it out loud and every time I'm like ooh like what happens if I don't make it well I won't make it and I am I will also be okay because I'm an adult and I can I could pick myself off the floor like I might cry I might be terribly disappointed but I'll ultimately be okay and I think like we haven't had enough conversations where we we remind each other like as sisters hermanas like primas friends like you're gonna be okay like just try but like just try you know like these people like on um there's this one gal on IG and she's like doing this the Lulu challenge and she's like trying to get a thousand no's I don't know if you guys have seen her and she's like doing all this crazy stuff and she has this huge following and um she's like getting uh auditions she's getting all of these things but also a lot of people are telling her no and it's like wow she is training herself to be a that she's training herself to know without a shadow of a doubt that with the rising of the sun tomorrow she will be one step closer to being okay because you know but if we don't have these conversations if we don't like entertain this then we only ever get to that longing we only ever experience the longing and but not the leaping not the jumping because we don't know if we're gonna be okay but we are and that's like I talk about this coaching group in that I started in um way in the very beginning of my journey called the Enya Dream Accelerator. And um and that's a lot of what we talked about was just that leap and people people um leaping falling being successful and everything in between and just learning wow I'm okay I lived I didn't die you know and then the final thing I'll say is you know when we have kids like Vivian said her kids are now telling her hey that hurt my feelings like that's because of Vivian's work right I'm I don't want to like her kids are doing their own work but Vivian made the space for that work right and so like this is the work like if we don't work on this then then our kids don't get that gift. Then they have to maybe learn learn it themselves which is okay we can't teach them everything. Right but like the whole idea is um you know we want to give them the best like and so yeah do I want to like have my kids have all the clothes they want shoes they want and all yes I do but more than that I want to have I want to make sure that they know that if they leap and fall on their knees and get scratched up okay you're gonna be all right you like you need to experience yourself being okay and to me that is legacy building um do you know what I mean? Oh yeah definitely yeah most and then they're sorry sister and then they're becoming themselves too not becoming somebody that that they're being expected to become right right yeah because you're saying you are allowing that versus the you know the constricted no you should be this way because this is the role right yeah and um I mean unfortunately in our culture too when we were being raised even by our own family members and other acquaintances around it's like I was emphatic

SPEAKER_02 44:00

they'll start criticizing and um it's not gonna work like you're just gonna do that but it's gonna you're gonna fail like why are you doing that no that's embarrassing yes to que l'autre so you really have to I mean for me I I heard it I heard it a lot from a lot of people that I did not expect would say something like that and um and it's it's literally blocking that white noise as much because if deep down I know like I know like I know I was meant to do something like this. And um same thing with my sister. And it's like no and if I told my sister I was like we're gonna have people who are gonna tell us a bunch of crap we're gonna take people who are gonna bring us down we're gonna get people who are not gonna agree they're gonna say a bunch of stuff that needs to get up in our caso like it's that's on them and we have to understand that that's on them and that's not on us. We're gonna continue even though we don't know what the heck we're doing but we're gonna true but the thing is you do know what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 45:12

You just what I think like it's such an incredible example because you know what you're doing enough to get you where you are today. Right. And then tomorrow you worry about tomorrow. But the thing is you keep walking on the journey and you're like okay I'm gonna learn this and we're gonna learn that and we're gonna keep getting better and better and better. And like and so I get like I don't know what I'm doing because I have to say I totally relate to that and I just want to make sure you give yourself the credit like you you're here. This is officially season two. This is happening and you have come a long way you know and not only do you have the the podcast but you have these incredible stories that happen with your parents and your children like it's just amazing like the healing that is occurring with two women that decided we're good enough to start we're good enough to press record right and look how far you came I mean like you're the literal perfect example of what exactly I was just talking about.

SPEAKER_02 46:07

And I was it's funny I was thinking about that earlier today. It's like wow earlier this morning like wow my sister's in California I'm in Texas and a lot of people would tell us how are you gonna do a podcast when you guys live in two different states going to do a podcast when you guys can't even are you going to be flying over here every weekend are you gonna be or is she gonna go and stay over there for a couple of days or weekends or whatever and again listen I I have no idea what's gonna happen but I know deep down we're supposed to be doing something. So it's um we're gonna make it work sea como sea but as long as you have the grit I feel as long as you have the grit and um that goal that we don't know what's gonna happen but we're gonna do this because we really want to and we want to help transform and transition and we want to show people listen if we're able to do this everybody else can do it too.

SPEAKER_00 47:06

Yes um and it doesn't matter who you are what you have if you only have a laptop if you only have a phone like you don't need this fancy equipment you don't need um to spend lots and lots of money to uh just start a podcast or start social media on social media I still record with just a phone I don't even have fancy equipment and it's you don't and you don't need it like when people need to hear from you when you they need to see your authentic self it doesn't matter what you do people will find you yeah so true so true something that I learned a lot this past summer where it's like you know what F that I'm gonna be myself and whoever wants to come along for the ride or if if for whatever reason they want to be involved in our community great I'm all for it and for the other people keep keep walking yeah I mean literally the most magnetic thing you can do is what you just said the liter like that is it nothing to do nothing to improve upon nothing to change nothing except for the literal you right now and then any anyone else the there's the door but if anyone resonates come on in we're having a great time yeah that's so smart yeah and I mean it's it's and it's experiences too like it took me to lose um hundreds of followers because I started transitioning with like less cooking into more self-healing and into more deeper conversations where I've been losing a hundreds of followers but I'm like you know what no like I'm not gonna let this get to me even though it did I'm gonna ride these emotions ride through the feelings but it's all aligning me to the people who are supposed to be here. Yep and yeah I there was a I've lost probably over the years about 8,000 9,000 followers at different touch points when I take a stand for something and so so I'm like okay great so be it that I'm I'm bummed that you were even in the space to begin with. Yeah so happier with smaller group of people that we're all you know that we all care about the same thing. We we can't know what everybody cares about and how they vote and how you know what per what per you know what causes they support or not support. But um I'd rather have fewer people that care about my community than a more diverse group more a larger group who who I don't know who's that who's there you know yeah so yeah good for you um let me see and um talk about more of your community I know you said you mentioned that you were also a coach and uh talk a little bit more and where we can find you in case anybody wants to sign up or look for you. Yeah yeah so you can find me everywhere at denise tellercox uh com. So on all the socials I spend a lot of time on Instagram and I'm actually doing I'm actually documenting I started this yesterday uh because writing a book is one thing but figuring out how best to market it and get it out into the world has been like super challenging even if you have support from the publisher and um so I um I started documenting because I'm like sometimes in life like I don't want to forget what happened you know and there's only like right now we're 13 days before my book comes out on August 18th and there I'm never gonna have these 13 days again you know like it's like when you have kids you're like especially the right before I had my my daughter my first daughter like I you know I wasn't a mom then and then all of a sudden I was and you know there was those two weeks before she was born and I'm curious like what I what I was talking about what I was what I cared about what you know what was happening and so right now I'm documenting everything that I'm doing everything that's going on and I'm posting multiple times a day and so for anyone that's launching anything I think it'll be interesting to go back to the series and watch and see like what is it that I was you know exactly that I was doing on every day leading up into the launch. And um so I kind of comment a few here and there on threads. I'm unlike really um LinkedIn really kind of bugs me. I feel like when we talk about being our true self like that LinkedIn is where I feel the hardest to be myself in total honesty even though I have a great LinkedIn story in the beginning of the book that kind of set off like a really interesting you know time in my professional life because that there was a screening that was incredibly uh impactful at LinkedIn of all places. But yeah my favorite I would definitely say is Instagram and then of course deniselercox.com which is my website. Thank you for asking.

SPEAKER_02 52:17

Yeah I'm also gonna put everything um down in the description box as well um about the year for people to just click on the link.

SPEAKER_00 52:26

Yeah and then here are the books this is the this is the book um what will they say in in English but also I have it in Spanish and so look at that you can see I have like a a filter on my but anyway that's sake and you know the reason why and what this is very rare to actually have a book come out in both languages at the exact same time is really rare and it's because they say that Latinos don't read and we don't buy books in Spanish which I think is not true. We don't have enough books in Spanish and I think especially if you're first gen, this kind of book needs to be in Spanish because chances are your parents their first language is Spanish and they're not going to digest the English the same as if they have this in Spanish. And so what I would encourage everyone to do is get one copy for you and if you feel comfortable one copy for your parents to read together and and then to discuss. Some people they're gonna be like there's no way that I could do that. But some people are going to be like okay yes I can do that. And so um and and then if they have parents in other countries families in other countries the book is available all over South America as well. And so it's the kind of this is a conversation that is I think your podcast is so indicative of the readiness and I felt the pressure from where I was and you felt the pressure from where you from where you are meaning pressure to start talking about the stuff already just to like let the air out of the balloon like we don't need to be this um tense. We don't have to hold all this stuff like I talk about the backpack that we're all wearing you know we can put it down but someone needs to start the conversation and let me start the conversation let me start the conversation in the book or since you're listening to the conversation on this podcast let us do it together you know and listen to the podcast and and then read the book and then let's discuss but I can't I can't have a discussion groups with everybody. So what I'm what I'm hoping that people will do is that they'll you know do book clubs or um you know people my editor always said like in the beginning when we first started working with each other she said this is the kind of book that every Latina is going to have on her shelf even the ones that don't read and um because like you know there's 10 chapters addressing 10 very different things and um and like let it be your guide let it help you through these things because I know what it feels like to um oh my gosh am I frozen oh yeah here we go um I know what it's like to hold all this stuff in and if you're feeling like oh I want to let the air out I want to know what that feels like to be free then then reading the book is the first step. But a huge uh recommendation is read it together with somebody so that you can you know and if you're if you're in a in a therapy relationship give it to your therapist talk share share the ideas with your therapist share but but do it with someone because I believe we can heal in community. We do our very best we show the best in community and we can heal in community and this book is a great way to do that.

SPEAKER_03 55:53

Yeah and you know what you just gave me a great idea and I don't know if my sister will agree with me but we are working on our school community um and I think that's gonna be a great way of us you know being able to at least read a chapter um as a community and talk about it. So I I don't know my sister will agree with me but I think that is a great idea um you know to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_02 56:22

Funny we're we're just so in synced. I was thinking like as because we're starting this community as like a book recommendation to start like the first book to start would probably be this book and um have it so have it for people to in English or in Spanish um have it for them to have on their own and read in their own time and um heal in their own time and then eventually probably we'll we'll figure out ideas on how we can make it more like a group discussion eventually. But yeah we're currently working on our own little community as well because we've been getting asked so much like people want to be in a community with us and talk to us and be around us which what can I say we're great we're great to be around with that leadership you are being lead that's the beautiful thing but um um I do I I so so can relate um on how it's important to have it in both languages English and Spanish another reason why we decided to have this podcast in English and in Spanish um because it's not only do we reach our community in the Latin America and Latin America community but um for anybody who were born and raised here in the US or in other countries as well from um Latin immigrants or Latino immigrants um but it's also important to at least plant the seed to our older generation and um what my mom had told us is she'll put the Spanish version of our podcast to like all our other family members in Mexico and she'll be like washing the dishes or she'll be haciendo el que aset over there but she purposely will like put it on her phone or somewhere where people can hear and people have been like like some of our tías and our tíos have been so intrigued with what we have to say and we'll finish or start literally we'll sit there from start to finish so for my mom to tell us that she's been pretty much our own little marketer out in Mexico it's just been it's been um so so heartwarming to see that other people or older generations are actually listening to what we have to say.

SPEAKER_00 59:03

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_03 59:03

Your mom is like the chief marketing officer and I'm and I think I I will um probably gift her the book in Spanish and um have her read it I mean she does read um both in both English and Spanish but I think we relate a little bit more I mean I relate a little bit more with Spanish I love Spanish I was gonna get one for myself and a copy for my mom so that um maybe we can even read it together.

SPEAKER_00 59:33

Yeah well a girlfriend of mine um she oversaw the whole uh Spanish translation there was an official translator but I needed somebody on my end that could read it because I'm not fully fluent in Spanish and I definitely if I read I I I don't speak Spanish well enough to know the nuance and to you know the the words uh I just don't know it that well and so my girlfriend who was born in Puerto Rico she um took that job and um and she said Denise she said the book is even better in Spanish you know but um she said it just it makes more sense um it's more impactful because I'm challenging these ideas that were first spoken in Spanish you know yeah yeah like everybody says nowadays it just hits different yeah yeah yeah yeah all right before we close off if you can sit down and have cafecito with every Latina daughter listening what's one thing you hope she finally lets go of oh um that would hold that like brings tears to my eyes so um if I was sitting down with a cafecito with every Latina young woman I would want her to let go of the idea any idea that she has that she cannot build a life that she loves um and that suits her and that um fits her exact dreams and and and ideas for herself I would eliminate anything that would erode her confidence that she has what she can that she has what she needs to build that life amazing amazing how about you sister me I I would want them to know that where there's a will there's a way anything that's possible it doesn't matter where you come from what you've been through if you are willing to let go and put in the work you'll do amazing how about you might probably probably a combination of both so great answers and also don't leave your culture behind leave your culture behind share that tradition share your most loving traditions your most um loving memories cherish those memories and continue talking about it um to the next generation and bring those loving memories of your mom grandma all the women in your lineage sometimes we or we can leave the hurtful ones to the not so great ones but we can always take the loving actions and the loving memories and talk about it with um the next generation it's beautiful well Denise it was so so wonderful to sit down and have some cafecito with you likewise likewise and getting to know a little bit um more about yourself and of course vice versa and um if for anybody who doesn't know Denise is from Puerto Rican descent in case people were wondering because I know people were gonna ask yeah because of my last name like I married I married a guy a real cowboy from Oklahoma whose last name O X and I wanted to take his last name but I couldn't uh release mine and the in in Mexico I know the guy that wrote cantiflas his last name is Soler but I also know that and cantiflas is like the super well known play right but like a lot of people don't know Soler as a typical uh last name like I always was jealous of my cousins my the Riveras the Gonzalezes like all of the people that had these very very typical but I never had that and then most of my life or most of my childhood I didn't even pronounce my name correctly and so even some people they don't know that Soler is even a Latino last name. And so um and so my great it's actually a Cuban last name my grandfather is a Cuban uh from you know so Soler is actually his name but um anyway uh I did want to take my husband's name so what I did was I made Soler my maiden name my legal middle name and the reason why I put it all together is because I wanted to honor my Latinidad and I wanted to honor the correct pronunciation. So you have no idea how many people mispronounce my name and so I constantly get to correct them.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:43

Yeah my whole name is not your first our last name goes on I don't even know where the heck it comes from my dad's from a rancho in Michoacán. My mom is from another pueblit so in Mexico so it's my I mean my mom's last name is a little more common her maiden um last name is San Loral but she um she only gave us like one name and one last name here in the US which is also kind of different because obviously in Mexico you have everybody's name and a second name here the same thing with us we only had a first and last yeah and and growing up too like my whole name would just people would actually pause and take a look at my name so when they would pause that's when I know they're gonna talk to me or they were gonna at least try to say my name and butcher it and I'm like uh VA and they're like oh is that how you pronounce it and then um cow sore for cow sore we would always say just think of cow and then sore and that's how you pronounce it that's really good. And so with VNA just put a D instead of a V. Think of DNA but instead of D. Yeah that's a good one too it's a beautiful name VNA that's a beautiful name it is a little more common in Mexico I will say than it is here. I've met other women with the same name a little bit different spelling but I hear it more in Mexico than I do here. Gotcha yeah I've never heard it before and um so pleasure to meet my first VNA thank you well and my sister she just changed she completely changed her last name to her husband's last name. To my husband's but um anyhow once again it was a pleasure Denise and um hopefully this is the beginning of a wonderful friendship and um and hopefully it's also another beginning of just the first of many collaborations later on and um yeah I'm excited to have other people read your book both English or in Spanish again I'll have everything linked down in the description box where you can pre-order or order by the time it does come or if it's after August 18th.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:16

And um all her information will be listed down below as well if anybody wants to get in contact or follow her on her social media um platforms and hasta luego we won't say bye it's uh it's a hasta luego hasta luego and also also too if you do decide to do that book club I'm happy to come back and do like a QA with your oh thank you yes we appreciate it thank you so much and let me know and then there is a Busca Libre link so if anybody has family in Mexico or in South America and they want to buy the book for them um the link for Busca Libre is under the book section of my website and it says like if you are in Latin America use this link. So Busca Libre is like Amazon and so it's already there you can already buy it.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:08

Perfect okay awesome great thank you so much Denise for taking the time you know to sit down and chat with us and um I'm rooting for you for your New York bestseller so you'll get there on that list. Thank you. I'm sure you will because your book is amazing.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:25

Thank you thank you so much thanks for making my day and I appreciate it can't wait to listen to the episode all right take care. You too thank you so much. All right bye bye bye